Changed

I've been reading Melissa's journal that she kept in the Fall of 2002, when she was first diagnosed with cancer.  The night she learned of her disease, she came home and cried to God.  The Lord came to her in a brilliant light through her window in the middle of the night.  There was  a peace that came over her, and never left her.  In her journal, she repeatedly writes about acquaintances remarking about her peace and her friends seeing her so changed.  Yet, she doesn't feel changed. She's just going about her business being Melissa, but feeling incredibly loved by God in a way that just astounds her!  In the Fall of 2002, after major abdominal surgery and 3 months into horrific chemotherapy that stripped her of even her eyelashes and eyebrows, Melissa states "I'm the happiest I've ever been!"  This statement from a popular party girl in High School, who always got attention for her stunning looks and quick wit.  Despite the suffering of her treatment, - she did suffer - God's love for her surpassed the worse pain and changed her for the better without her even realizing it.  God's love is really remarkable. Melissa also writes about how all relationships need time and effort, and our relationship with God is no different.  So that's the key. Stay prayerful. Fill our minds with God's words. And keep looking up-- to the source of Melissa's joy, her Lord.  Happy Easter. 

Forgiveness

I'm writing a book on positive grieving, a survival manual for mothers who have lost a child.  You know what word I use over and over?  Forgive.  Forgive others for not knowing what to say or for saying the wrong thing. Forgive family members for fighting and emotionally withdrawing and being irritable, because that's what grief will do if not expressed honestly and directly.  Most of all, forgive yourself for everything: for all past mistakes with the loved one and all current mistakes with everyone else because you are in deep grief.  Forgiveness is such a critical discipline in the path to healing and healthy relationships. Somehow, Melissa seemed to automatically forgive others shortcomings, especially in the last year of her life.  Maybe knowing each day is precious makes us more aware of the importance of letting go of petty irritations. At the same time, Melissa also let people know when they owed her an apology, which makes for honest, close relationships.
        Our faith tells us that Jesus died to provide us with unlimited forgiveness.  We have to choose to believe and choose to forgive, especially ourselves.  Forgiveness is a choice, just as faith is a choice!  If we "can't forgive", its because we have chosen not to forgive, but won't admit that to ourselves.  Prayer is the pathway to forgiveness, both of others and oneself.  If we pray sincerely for God's help to forgive others, He will help us to do so.  And we must pray also for forgiveness for ourselves.  Holding on to guilt or anger is simply destructive.  Both anger and guilt eat away our souls.  Choose forgiveness as often as you need to do so.  And allow the peace of Christ to reign in you, no matter how many mistakes you make!  Peace. 

Positive Grieving

That title may seem like an oxymoron, right?  What can be positive about grieving?  But we do have choices in our grieving.  We can choose to bury our emotions and pretend they are not there, which is largely what our culture tells us to do.  I strongly encourage you to avoid this mistake.  A better choice is to express your appropriate sadness in tears, memories, writing, talking, praying, and honoring that person. The pain of loss has to be felt, expressed and released in order for us to heal.  Holding it in creates a huge boil under our skin that just continues to get more inflamed and painful.  Boils have to be lanced for all that bad stuff to be released, and then our bodies begin to heal.  Your instincts will tell you how to release this pain, just listen and follow your heart! 
If you have lost someone important to you, I highly recommend visiting the grave site as often as needed. Yes, it will be painful, but it will also give you peace.  Several of my daughter's friends traveled to her grave site with me a few years ago. We were all apprehensive about how the day would impact us, myself included.  I felt responsible to take care of these young people.  We spent several hours in the summer under a tree painting rocks with love notes for Melissa to leave there. We each took turns at her grave.  We all left with a great sense of peace.  Although being at Melissa's grave was sad, it was also comforting!  We all had a chance to talk to her and feel closer and express our affection.  We had a chance to release some of our sadness, and returned feeling lighter in heart.  So, do not fear the pain of sorrow and sadness, and do not feel guilty for feeling such sadness.  Our certainty of heaven gives us hope, but nothing takes away the pain of loosing a loved one, which is good pain!  It is the pain of love!  And feeling this pain just makes your heart grow into amazing dimensions, all the more capable of loving others!  So, embrace the pain. Feel it through, without self-pity, but with the knowledge that this is where you are meant to be.  Our God has an amazing plan and endless ability to turn our all tears into something wonderful.  Blessings on your day!

Pride

In my last blog, I describe God's awesome mercy on me.  He answered my desperate plea for help in writing a book.  He not only answered it- but did so in record time!  The Lord loves to make it clear, He can do anything!  Can you guess what I did when this book miraculously materialized in about 2 weeks time?  Yes, I rejoiced.  I was flooded with relief, as if my life had just been spared.  Then I started to pat myself on the back!!  "Hey,  I got the whole thing done in about 2 weeks!!" (OK, it was only a first, rough draft, but at least my thoughts were down on paper.)   Can you guess how the Lord reacted to my pride? -- Right, I felt the Holy Spirit say, "Excuse me? - WHO wrote the book?"  How quickly I forget who to credit when my work is done.  How easily we forget our need for God when things are looking up! Melissa never fell into this trap in the last years of her life. She always saw the invisible sword swinging over her head.  She was always keenly aware of her need for God.  And we are in no less need, although we may be ignorant of what swords swing over our heads!  We are all dependent on God's grace and mercy. Every day is a gift from God.  Everything we do is a result of God's gifts of time and talent to us.  So let's be thankful and rejoice in His love and mercy! - Blessings on your day!

Fear or Faith

I have been challenged with an overwhelming task: writing a book.  I did this to myself, mind you.  I deliberately took time off of my usual job to write a book.  It sounded like a good idea at the time, until I sat down and looked at that blank screen. Then I wanted to shoot myself!! What made me think I could write a book?  Had I lost my mind??  Fear paralyzed me.  So I threw myself at the mercy of God.  He sent me comfort and direction in a sermon, a phone call from a friend, and my dear husband.  I started writing, still racked with insecurity, but I just started.   Two weeks later, I was done.  The entire book was completed in it's first draft.  I can't begin to tell you how relieved I felt!   The Lord answered my prayer, but first I had to sit down and take the first steps, even though I was still afraid.  I just started writing in faith that He would give me words. And He did! We have to take the first steps on our own.  When Jesus healed people, he told them to first do something- "Get up".  The healing happened when the sick obeyed Jesus with their first movement.  We have to respond to God by following His words, surrendering to His will, doing what we know we are suppose to do!  The difference between living a life of fear or faith is choosing to follow Jesus- wherever He leads.  The miracles will just happen.  Melissa knew better than anyone taking steps of faith when life is uncertain.  That's why prayer was her constant companion, the most effective way to stay calm and feel God's peace.  May you live this week with the eyes of faith, taking each step with Jesus.  Amen!

God Bless You!

I've recently heard a couple of sermons from different Pastors on the importance of blessing others.  My own Pastor encouraged us to say "Bless you" more often, perhaps beginning on Thanksgiving Day.  I took this suggestion to heart, and mentioned each person at our Thanksgiving table by name in our prayer before the meal.  Afterward, I could tell that it made a difference to everyone there: the power of being named and the power of being blessed.  So, I highly recommend praying for blessings with others and for others.  Blessing friends and family in this way is the easy part. It feels great and people appreciate it. The harder part is blessing people who you really want to smack!  The other sermon talked about blessing those who curse you.  Of course, once I heard this sermon, those words came back in my mind when I found myself hurt and angry by disrespectful communication at different times by different people. Blessing those who hurt you is a lot harder!  It's not something you do with them, but rather for them.  Blessing our "enemies" is equally if not more important and incredibly powerful.  I don't know if it has much impact on these disrespectful people, but it has a huge impact on me.  My stress is lower, my blood pressure returns to normal, and I can smile again.  I think Melissa knew that when we bless others, we get blessed in the process. That's why she spent all of her time focusing on giving to others, and more determined to do so as her time grew short. So, as much as it's a struggle, I will continue to bless people-- both those I love and those I'd love to strangle. Because in giving the blessing, we get back so much more!

New Year's Resolutions

New Year's Resolutions are the topic of discussion this weekend. We crave new beginnings, a fresh start!  We want to forget our past mistakes and failures, charging into a new year with hopes of a better chance at success!  I have a big project ahead of me.  Something I am committed to doing, but fear that it will not turn out good enough.  I know the way to make my new year dreams and goals come true: team up with the Living God.  Plug into the Power Source.  Join the winning team.  I admit, the price is high.  I have to give up what I want to do and put God in the driver's seat. Of course, any goal that helps me be more physically or mentally healthy is automatically backed by my Creator who wants us to be all we can be--all we were meant to be-- all we were created to be!  God always has our best interest at heart, but only HE can see the road ahead to know which way to go.  Here's the cool part: He will take us on the best adventure of our lives, and guarantee us success!  As long as I am are following Jesus, I cannot fail!  Miracles happen when we follow God's leading: (See Acts 12).  Melissa knew the power of following God, and prayed for His help to do so continually (See Melissa's Prayer Journal ). Melissa also felt the blessings of God's arms around her every time she prayed!  So, this year, I'm putting prayer on the top of my New Year Resolution list.  I'm joining the A team & putting God first in my life.  I'm going to post this verse in my kitchen: Joshua 1:7-9.  I will tackle this project, and hang on tight to Jesus. Amen!