Anniversaries

We usually think of anniversaries for Weddings.  In fact, I never thought of any other kind until a few years ago. But in Cambodia, people celebrate the anniversary of a family member on the day they died instead of birthdays.  Rather than celebrate the day the living are born, people honor the day they lost a dear family member by gathering together with food and memories.  What a healthy way to acknowledge loss and comfort each other with shared grief!  Americans tend to hide death, avoid it, pretend it doesn't exist. Other cultures embrace the longing for a loved one with formal rituals and prayers. Perhaps their strong belief in an after life helps Cambodians to confront loss more openly and positively. Family members are still perceived as close by, and perhaps they are!  A California woman recently told me that she hosted a dinner for her adult children on the tenth anniversary of her mother's death for the purpose of remembering both her parents.  At first, her children thought she was 'weird".  But when the whole family started telling stories around the dinner table, laughing together with memories, and sharing the old photos, the entire evening was a great success.  Even the spouses enjoyed seeing childhood photos of those they married. I think we need more of such positive remembering together in our culture, both to heal from loss and to treasure the gift of those who have shaped our lives.  Wishing you all good memories on Melissa's 6th Anniversary!