Tuesday, July 2, 2013


Envy can destroy relationships among even the best of friends. Envy creates ugly dynamics, petty comments, and back-stabbing gossip. People feel envy when they feel deprived of something they think they deserve that someone else has: they compare themselves to others and feel they come up short.  When I perceived others feeling envious of something I receive or experience, and I will do my best to hide that asset from their awareness in the future.  I want to avoid the poison darts, which can often be thrown unconsciously by even close friends.  No one wants to admit to themselves that they are envious! At the same time that others may envy some asset of mine, they ignore my continual pain. They focus on what I have, not what I do not have: my first born child, now in heaven.  If they really looked at the whole picture of my losses and gains, no one in their right mind would want to change places with me.  No matter what other blessings come into my life, and there are many, nothing can compensate for the loss of a part of myself and my future that is forever gone from this earth. I find the best way to deal with such distorted comparison is to focus on our blessings!  Reinforce the assets, talents, and positive aspects of others to build their own self-concept and lower their  need to compare themselves to others. The antidote to our own envy is avoid comparisons and remember that we can never see the whole picture of another person's life. People do a great job of hiding their vulnerabilities, but we all have them: the places of pain from our past. We can safely assume that the rosy picture portrayed by coworkers or friends is not the whole story.  Melissa appeared a healthy, thriving, and happy young woman in the last year of her battle with cancer.  But I know she envied others who had the promise of a full life, and that envy caused her more pain. Perhaps the more others envy, the greater their pain. When we feel envy, maybe we need to remember that everyone is carrying some heavy weight of self-doubt, threat to self-worth, difficult family situation, or deep psychological pain. Then focus on what assets we have and avoid all comparisons. We all have God-given gifts and blessings for the purpose of fulfilling our own unique calling on this earth. The more we focus on all that God has given us, the happier we will be under any circumstances. Hoping your day will be filled with counting your blessings! ~ JBM