Focus

I couldn't sleep because I had too much to do, waking up early with the list revolving in my head. As I logged in my computer, a page popped up that made me stop and focus.  I was obsessed, consumed, and distressed by my work of  Melissa's Prayer Journal,  but all that God wanted was for me to be devoted.  I needed to let go and let God.  So ironic that my ardent desire to do ministry gets in the way of actually being with the Lord, which is what He most wants from me!   So, I took a deep breath, prayed and felt the peace that passes all understanding.  Sending this peace to you. ~ JBM

Calm

I just listened to a great TED talk on mindfulness, the new buzzword for good reason.  A growing body of research gives evidence to the positive changes that come from such practices: meditation on breathing, listening, focused gratitude.  Many scientists admit that these are ancient practices with a new label, which is true.  Ancient wisdom counsels us to pray: bring our worries to God and focus on the good in our lives.  When I turn to the Lord, I feel His love and goodness, which immediately relaxes me, and I breathe.  In prayer, I remember how much God has blessed me and taken care of me, and promises to always do so, and I listen, not just to my environment, but God's presence and messages to me.  When I enter the presence of God, I am immediately aware of all that the Lord has given me, and I am filled with gratitude.  So, prayer is mindfulness wrapped in a relationship with our eternal, faithful and all-loving Creator.
       One enormous advantage comes with prayer that mindfulness research lacks: the true power of the Person of Jesus Christ, the real peace of a real God who shows us real love, and the promise of eternal life. As much as focusing on the blessings of every day will hugely improve our happiness, there is always the ultimate reality of our physical death. The closer we get to God, the more we understand that our happiness is a continuum that will extend forever, once we are in the arms of our Lord.  Melissa showed this peace, and wrote more prayers of thankfulness than any other kind of prayer, even while battling cancer. She had a peace and joy that came from a Higher Power, which she constantly proclaimed!  Following Melissa's lead, I will practice prayerfulness for the calm, focused and grateful life that living with God will bring.  Blessings ~ JBM

The Secret to Peace

We all want peace, that feeling of contentment that all is right with the world.  Meanwhile, we live surrounded by conflict, aggravation, overwhelming demands, discomfort, and even suffering. What a contrast!  One of the best instructions on staying in peace comes from Philippians 4: 4-9.  We are to bring our concerns to God with thanksgiving! *  This is a two-step process, and you need both steps!  Not only do you tell God what is bothering you, you also THANK God for whatever is pure, true, excellent, lovely or worthy of praise.  Melissa had this recipe down to the letter!  All of her prayers started with her worries, and ended listing her blessings!   Melissa's coping was so very effective, that her prayers are now serving as an example of positive coping for nurses to use in helping others.  Melissa was confident in God's provision, dependent on His presence, and faithful in bringing her concerns with thanksgiving to God.  Her prayers role model positive coping in any circumstances and at any point in life!  A scientific research study of Melissa's Prayer Journal found Thanksgiving to be the most frequent prayer in her journal!  Gratitude strikes again!  God cares about our concerns, but tells us to focus on Him and on His provisions of our needs: the secret to peace.  Wishing you the peace that rises us above our circumstances, always! 
~ JBM

Focus

It's 6 am on a Sunday morning, the Lord's day, the Sabbath, the day of rest.  I can't sleep because my work is swirling uncontrollably in my mind: too much to do and not enough time. I open my computer, and my home page flashes Matthew 6:30: "If God so clothes the grass of the field,... will He not much more so clothe you?"   The Author  continues to challenge me to focus on Jesus: receiving His Spirit, relying on Him, and obeying Him as the path to peace.  I especially related to the phrase "cluttered our minds with worries."   Melissa  once said, "prayer is the only cure for a worried heart."  I am again amazed at God's grace to give me JUST the message I need at JUST the moment I need it!  The clear task for today is to breath the Holy Spirit.  Pray without ceasing!  Clean the clutter of worry out of my mind and replace it with assurance that God will give me all I need to do the tasks HE has for me to do. Praise our gracious God!! - Blessings ~ JBM

Transitions

Transition is painful.  Change is hard.  We quickly get used to things they way they are and only discomfort will prompt us to make a move.  Fall is a season of transitions, which always make me more anxious. My security gets shaken by change.  I unconsiously worry about my ability to handle new situations.  Melissa had the answer to feeling so threatened: "Lord, let me gaze upon you as I glance at my circumstances." (Melissa's Prayer Journal, p.62.)  I have an index card posted on my kitchen cabinet with a Bible verse: "Set your mind on the things above, not on the things on earth."  (Col 3:2).  Melissa knew that the more we place our security in God's provision and love for us, the less rattled we will be by the white water churning under our feet!  I need a lot of reminders to channel my thoughts in the right direction, but remembering ALL the ways God has provided in the past and continues to bless me every day, helps to really calm me down. So, if you have some threatening clouds over your head or waves crashing around you, keep your eyes on Jesus. Blessings always- JBM   

Who's Making You Crazy?

I have been listening to a series on how to deal with the "crazy-makers" in your life.  Mind you, I consider myself reasonable skilled at interpersonal relations, and actually have decades of evaluations as evidence for that statement, but this series of classes are amazing.  So, I emailed almost everyone I know to tell them about it.  The feedback from everyone who has viewed these free online classes has been widely enthusiastic and overwhelmingly positive.  The series can be found on my favorite online spiritual nourishment source: Saddleback Church.  (If this link doesn't work for you, go to www.saddleback.com,  click on "media", click on "archived services", and click on the "all" tab. Also available through a free app for iPhone or iPad).  Take a look at the topic titles and start with one that hits you, like "resolving conflict".  But they are all well done, excellent mental health and relational health solid content with a spiritual foundation.  No one asked me to plug this series, by the way. I honestly just want to share valuable resources with everyone. So far the content most helpful to me has been: how to handle people who manipulate you with their anger, expressing my anger in healthy and helpful ways rather than destructive ways, and setting clear boundaries.  Melissa was amazing at her ability to practice these things.   She writes in her Prayer Journal how she handled a difficult conversation tactfully and the response was perfect, which she attributed to being prayerful before the conversation and asking for God's help!  And the Lord came through for her, as her joy in the entry describes!  So, even if you don't take the time to listen or watch these helpful videos, stay prayerful, like Melissa did!  The Lord comes through every time!! - Blessings - JBM

Gifts from Heaven

I was blessed with a chance to honor Melissa in a dedication ceremony for a terrace in her honor. The whole occasion, although casual and brief, was a big deal in my life.  I crave the chance to talk about my child and hold on to those precious memories, which make her feel closer.  At the same time, the chance to honor her memory brought back to my conscious the pain of not having her here in person.  I found myself back in mild grief: a bit distracted and sad.  When I'm feeling the loss of my precious Princess, God sends me just the encouragement I need.  He is SO faithful!!  This time, the comfort came in the form of a comment by one of the Gordon College professors.  I had recently sent her a copy of Melissa's Prayer Journal.  She had replied with a lovely note, but I didn't  really understand her message in writing.   I had to hear her explain in person how much this book helped her in the past two months in order for me to comprehend the power of her gift to me.  She had just lost a family member to cancer.  Melissa's prayers, , Melissa's positive focus, and  Melissa's faith showed her how to deal positively with this horrific loss.  She had read  Melissa's Prayer Journal  several times, because it was so helpful to her.  I was so deeply touched!  Even I under-estimate the power of Melissa's prayers!  But God knows just how He wants to use each of us to touch the lives of others and bring them closer to Him.  My Gracious Lord gave me this encouragement that Melissa's prayers are continuing to touch lives and help people, and the message came just when I needed it: when I was hurting and missing my daughter.  Thank you, Dear God, for all your mercy and grace and love!  Just as Melissa said, "I'd be lost without You.".  Praise our Gracious God! - JB

Struggling

I've been struggling with God...... again.  I've actually found myself arguing with Him.  I argue with God fairly often. It gets me nowhere.  I don't recommend it.  This time the struggle is over time.... again.  I want time to do what I want to do.  I fail to recognize His sovereignty in my life to give me time I need to do His will, not mine.  Of course, my failure to acknowledge God's control over my circumstances is just another form of rebellion that I don't want to admit to.  I know in my head that He will provide what I need to do His will.  The hard part is submitting to His plan, not mine!!  I want to accomplish what I want to accomplish and then I'll be glad to do His bidding as well.  The Lord doesn't work that way.  I have to get my head in line with His.  How do I do this?  How do I let go of precious goals and hand them over?   First I choose to obey, secondly, I pray out loud and hand my goals to God and, lastly, I ask for His help with my feelings to follow: His help letting go.  I actually got to a place of peace this week by following that three-step recipe.  Of course,  I have to repeat these steps over and over, because I'm so stubborn and have such a hard time giving things over to the Lord.  I am happy to report that prayer works, again and again.  This is how Melissa was able to give over her entire life,-- how long she had to live, -- even when she had her whole life ahead of her.  Prayer. Asking God to help us to trust.  And He does. So, I'll keep praying.  Hope you do, too!  Blessings - JB

Letting Go

I've been practicing my specialty this week--- fretting!   I'm a pro at worrying about things, especially my to-do list!!  I see these next couple of weeks as my last chance to complete my second book of Melissa's writings before I get swallowed up in the academic year.   My window of opportunity for 2011 is quickly shutting for this precious project.  This morning, I gave it over to God......again.  Reading Oswald Chambers brought me back to the enlightenment:  my life and goals do not belong to me.  I am serving my God, and He is in charge of what gets done and when.  The Lord will give me time and strength to complete that which is needed when it is His time.  And God knows when the world is ready for this book, not me.  I have to chose to let go and let God take control, which for me is a constant struggle.    Although painful, letting go is also the only way to peace.  Amazing how Melissa kept that perspective, when her time was really getting short!  I need to follow her example. So, I'm sharing this little patch of peace with you, while my head is still in a good place.  As long as I keep my eyes on Jesus, I'll have a good day!  I hope  yours is good, too.  - Blessings - JB

Panic

So I pretty much woke up in a panic early this morning..... way too early this morning.  I am deeply, deeply grateful that my panic had nothing to do with a family member, at least not one on earth.  My daughter in Thailand is thriving, thanks to a life-time supply of amoxicillin.  No, this time I'm worried about meeting my goals in the next three weeks, which is when my summer ends.  I have a ton of work to do to set up my course that I teach, but that will get done.  I'm worried about Melissa's Window,  a precious volume of Melissa's journal and diaries in the last 20 months of her life.  I started this in January 2007, taking a 50% cut in pay in order to have time off to complete it.  I never finish, because other urgent demands came up.  I have been waiting four years,.... four long years,...... for another block of time to shut out the world and complete this book.  My sabbatical gave me that golden opportunity, once I had completed my promised sabbatical work.  But I just finished meeting with all of my book reviewers for Melissa's Window, who informed me that I have a ton of work left to do on this book.  I mean another mountain to climb, and only 3 weeks to do it along with my usual course preparation.  Of course, the answer to my panic over this book is the same as the answer to my worry about my daughter:   Isaiah 26:3    The solution is the same, no matter what the problem, the anxiety, the challenge, the worry--- focus on Jesus!  I have to maintain that eye-to-eye contact with the invisible, if I want to remain calm, not to mention pleasant ;-)  ( I'm afraid my worried state fails to bring out the best in me with my loved ones.)  So, here I am again. Right where God wants me to be.  Incredibly dependent on His Peace.  Trusting Him with Melissa's story in the same way that she did....... totally.  Melissa's my role model.  If she can trust Him with her life, I can trust God with her book and His timing with it.  All I have to do is keep looking UP! - Blessings & Peace,  JB

Centered

I'm about to send my only surviving child to the farthest corner of the world by herself for the first time.  This is not a comforting feeling. Yes, she is in college and will be a part of a reputable program, but she will be far from my reach.  Any difficulty she encounters, she has to handle without me. I literally have to hand her over to God. As I was driving to New York to visit Melissa's grave site, I had an "ahaah" moment.  The light bulb went on over my head!  A verse came into my mind, "You will keep him (her) in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because (s)he trusts in you."  Isaiah 26:3.  I had to look up the verse, because I had no idea where this came from, but there it was in my head.  I remembered Melissa and the incredible peace she had even has her life came to a close.  I know that peace came from her constant praying. She stayed connected to the source of peace. She stayed centered, focused on God, and that gave her "perfect peace", just like the verse says.  So, what is my challenge during the next 7 weeks with my daughter not even on email most of the time?  I must keep my mind centered on Christ, because I trust God.  She is, after all, his child, not mine.  So, I hand her back to her Loving Father who actually is even more concerned about her well-being than I am, as impossible as that is for my pea brain to imagine!  I hand her over to our Faithful Creator, and keep my eyes focused on the invisible.  The God who loves her even more than I do will not fail!  Thank you for journeying with me!  Blessings- JB

Forgiveness

I'm writing a book on positive grieving, a survival manual for mothers who have lost a child.  You know what word I use over and over?  Forgive.  Forgive others for not knowing what to say or for saying the wrong thing. Forgive family members for fighting and emotionally withdrawing and being irritable, because that's what grief will do if not expressed honestly and directly.  Most of all, forgive yourself for everything: for all past mistakes with the loved one and all current mistakes with everyone else because you are in deep grief.  Forgiveness is such a critical discipline in the path to healing and healthy relationships. Somehow, Melissa seemed to automatically forgive others shortcomings, especially in the last year of her life.  Maybe knowing each day is precious makes us more aware of the importance of letting go of petty irritations. At the same time, Melissa also let people know when they owed her an apology, which makes for honest, close relationships.
        Our faith tells us that Jesus died to provide us with unlimited forgiveness.  We have to choose to believe and choose to forgive, especially ourselves.  Forgiveness is a choice, just as faith is a choice!  If we "can't forgive", its because we have chosen not to forgive, but won't admit that to ourselves.  Prayer is the pathway to forgiveness, both of others and oneself.  If we pray sincerely for God's help to forgive others, He will help us to do so.  And we must pray also for forgiveness for ourselves.  Holding on to guilt or anger is simply destructive.  Both anger and guilt eat away our souls.  Choose forgiveness as often as you need to do so.  And allow the peace of Christ to reign in you, no matter how many mistakes you make!  Peace. 

Positive Grieving

That title may seem like an oxymoron, right?  What can be positive about grieving?  But we do have choices in our grieving.  We can choose to bury our emotions and pretend they are not there, which is largely what our culture tells us to do.  I strongly encourage you to avoid this mistake.  A better choice is to express your appropriate sadness in tears, memories, writing, talking, praying, and honoring that person. The pain of loss has to be felt, expressed and released in order for us to heal.  Holding it in creates a huge boil under our skin that just continues to get more inflamed and painful.  Boils have to be lanced for all that bad stuff to be released, and then our bodies begin to heal.  Your instincts will tell you how to release this pain, just listen and follow your heart! 
If you have lost someone important to you, I highly recommend visiting the grave site as often as needed. Yes, it will be painful, but it will also give you peace.  Several of my daughter's friends traveled to her grave site with me a few years ago. We were all apprehensive about how the day would impact us, myself included.  I felt responsible to take care of these young people.  We spent several hours in the summer under a tree painting rocks with love notes for Melissa to leave there. We each took turns at her grave.  We all left with a great sense of peace.  Although being at Melissa's grave was sad, it was also comforting!  We all had a chance to talk to her and feel closer and express our affection.  We had a chance to release some of our sadness, and returned feeling lighter in heart.  So, do not fear the pain of sorrow and sadness, and do not feel guilty for feeling such sadness.  Our certainty of heaven gives us hope, but nothing takes away the pain of loosing a loved one, which is good pain!  It is the pain of love!  And feeling this pain just makes your heart grow into amazing dimensions, all the more capable of loving others!  So, embrace the pain. Feel it through, without self-pity, but with the knowledge that this is where you are meant to be.  Our God has an amazing plan and endless ability to turn our all tears into something wonderful.  Blessings on your day!

Gift-giving

The big gift-giving season is upon us!!  Everywhere we turn, we are bombarded by gift suggestions. The hype for the "perfect gift" threatens to steal our attention away from the real gifts and the real reason for the season!  Real gifts are not wrapped in paper or tucked into bags.  Real gifts are your words of affirmation, your full attention, your total appreciation of that person.  Real gifts are the smiles and hugs, the patience and kindness, the love and concern you give to those around you.  Some of the best gifts I've given are poems or letters, telling others how special they are!   "People will forget what you said and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." (B.J. Wasmund). I have a couple of notes from Melissa framed, because they make me feel so loved!   Of course, the biggest gift of the season is the reason: God's gift of eternal life. God breaking into human history to hug us, hold us, grab us, and take us to heaven.  So, despite all the pressure to buy, wrap, mail, decorate and party, take time to hug, hold, and feel the love of heaven. The King of Kings has come, and we are so deeply loved, each one, every moment.  May the Prince of Peace reign in your hearts this Christmas and always-  Blessings & Peace!

Control

 Everyone feels a need to be in control of their lives. When we feel threatened by new circumstances, new losses, or new challenges, we can easily feel a need for more control.  I once knew a Pastor who lost his church of many years because he started controlling every decision and every church matter.  Only after the damage was done did a psychiatric nurse have the chance to identify the coping mechanisms behind the behavior. His controlling behavior began shortly after loosing both his parents within a few months. So much of what we do is unconscious!  

If anyone needed to feel control, it must have been Melissa, as her cancer continued to grow   through her lungs despite treatment.  Yet, she focused on what she could give to others, not herself.  She prayed for peace constantly and received it. She made plans and always had "things to look forward to", and focused on them. She successfully used her precious last days on earth to bless others and bring God's love to them!  She relinquished control to her Lord, because she knew He loved her so much!  She trusted God's plan, even though it made no sense to her. "If God takes me home now, it's to spare me from something worse,"  she explained to her shocked friends when she had only weeks left to live.  Even in the face of the ultimate out of control of death, Melissa knew the secret to peace: trusting our Faithful Creator! 

Conquering Anxiety

"Everybody needs a half hour daily with God, unless you are really, really, really busy..................... then you need an hour."  An outburst of laughter from the listeners followed these words.  Who has time for reflecting, praying, meditating when life comes at us in double barrels?   Yet, truer words were never spoken!  The more we remember that Someone with endless power, limitless energy, immeasurable goodness, and total love stands next to us to help us through everything, the calmer we can be!  And, being mere humans, we have to work at remembering we are not alone-- with notes on the mirror or CD's in the car or whatever it takes to stay focused on God.  When my Dad's health began to deteriorate, my Mom asked me to embroider her a sampler for her wall:  "Lord, help me to remember that nothing will happen today that you and I can't handle."  She hung it on the wall facing her bed, so it was the first thing she saw as she got up every morning. And kneeling in prayer was the last thing she did before getting into bed each night. Melissa used "Our Daily Bread" books to read before retiring.  Those are the routines that keep us calm in every storm, and afloat in every hurricane!  So, I will make myself read the reflection on my computer "homepage" before logging into my email today, because conquering anxiety requires focusing on the Lord. Blessings on your day!

Deep Joy

I was talking with my husband this week about one of Melissa's friends who has newly discovered Jesus.  She had always believed in God, but now she expresses a new, deep joy in having Jesus as her best friend. I thought about the difference. What Melissa's friend is experiencing, and Melissa experienced, and I've experienced is more than just believing in Jesus.  It's following Him.  It's making Him number one in your life.  Why go to such extremes?  Because only by following Jesus do you experience the thrill of a lifetime!  Only by taking His hand and allowing Him to lead, do you understand the excitement in having your words, your actions and your everyday existence fit into the eternal plans of the Creator of the Universe.  Following Jesus is living The Great Adventure- not always easy, but always rewarding!   As we draw closer to God, we feel a deep joy that defies circumstance, a deep love so immense, we cannot even comprehend it!  When I was discussing this difference with my husband, he compared it to people he knew in High School who got excited about drugs:  "Hey this is GREAT!  You've got to try this!!!"  It was a perfect analogy, because being with Jesus really does make you high!  Melissa says to God, "You spoil me so much!" (p.14, Melissa's Prayer Journal), even in the midst of horrific chemotherapy treatment!  She told her church, "Once asked, He (God) granted me this amazing peace to deal with my situation." The Power of Prayer.  Melissa wanted all of her friends to grow closer to God, to feel this amazing peace. She gave The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren to one of her friends two days before she died. She wanted everyone to feel the deep joy she had holding on to the hand of Jesus. As she ended one of her prayers to the Lord (p.8, Melissa's Prayer Journal), "Amazing, you are amazing. Nothing less and everything more. I love you. Melissa".